Winding down...

I suppose the blog here is winding down. Its time has come and past, as ridiculously fortunate as that may be. I will still update here from time-to-time, for sure. I've got an MRI in May that's really going to clarify...well, everything.

I'm now in my 3rd week back to work. The first week was uneventful, and I was put on desk duty. The second week included a much-surprising St. Patrick's Day snowstorm that dumped about 7" on us and shut down the government for a day. And now here we are on March 25 and getting ANOTHER bloody snowfall, though this one isn't nearly as significant as last week's. Though, it *is* sticking.

Late season snow tastes the best.

I had a follow-up appointment with my PCM yesterday. I'm cleared to return to boat duty, but she wants me to do it gradually and incrementally. That's fine with me; I fully understand, and at least it gives me a chance to get out and get hours. (I have to maintain a minimum of 40 hours underway each 6 months to maintain my certification.)

And then, there's the baby. The new kid. He's due to make his appearance in a week or so, but you know how kids are. Due April 6th means might could show up tomorrow. The new nursery is almost ready - and I mean, seriously about 95%. The remaining 5% is when preggo-brain decides to change something. (I love you SO much, honey!)

So I guess, we're doing well here. Life is good and we're slowly finding our new normal. To be fair, there are some anxieties and stressors still facing us. The whole idea of my transfer is still up in the air - there are a *LOT* of questions about that that still need to get sorted out, but it's not urgent. Well, not TOO urgent.

I am sure I'll still update in here in bits and spurts - here and there, announcing a birth, MRI results, etc. Oh, I would like to offer this part up to all friends and interested parties:

My nuero-oncologist at Walter Reed had come to us very highly recommended. And I mean, everyone we talked to said this guy was really the bees knees, not just a brilliant military doc, but a brilliant doc in the general sense. This was driven home when we found out that he did a Fellowship at MD Anderson, the *leading* cancer center in the US. And while there, he wrote a paper about my *specific* tumor type. Right down to the mutation. As in a peer-reviewed journal paper where he shared top-line authorship. And so, with that said, I've got a copy of the paper, and am willing to share it with anyone...everyone...SOMEONE who can translate the damned thing into English for me. I mean, yeah, to be fair I understand parts of it. But at times I feel like those parts are the words "and...a...the...also..."

Hit me up, I'll hook you up with a copy of the article.

Friends rock

I've said it a million times, so let's make it 1,000,001. I've got awesome friends and I really can't thank you all enough for helping us get through this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Snap back to reality

Well, this is interesting. I started typing this entry last night, Sunday, before going in to work. I was about halfway done with it, when Laura needed help putting Teddy down, and by the time I came back, it had been eaten by the ether, gone, lost and never saved. That's the price I pay for trying to type a post on a tablet.

I had been talking about some fun, stupid coincidences. How to leave it to me, the guy who's normally healthy as a horse, to come down with symptoms, wait a few days, go in to the ER, get diagnosed with a brain tumor, have surgery #1, wait two weeks, have surgery #2, wait a month, and then have my convalescent leave expire at the EXACT SAME TIME as when we start Daylight Saving Time. I go from sleeping 18 hours a day, to back to a roughly "normal" schedule, and then it's back to waking up at 5am at the ONE time that 5am actually feels like 4am.

Apparently I was snoring and Teddy was laughing at me.

Ugh.

Suffice it to say, I did survive the day. Another tick in the "leave it to me" column is that I return on the same day the Station starts our "CLEAR" visit - the Comprehensive Law Enforcement Assessment and Review. In other words, for the next two days we're getting graded on everything we do law enforcement-wise. And that has a LOT to do with our training and maintaining currency. Which is entirely my job.

Now, obviously, others stepped in and took my job while I was out, and they did a fantastic job. And they knew this review was coming so they prepped and got everything ready. That they could. But here I am, *struggling* in to work at 6:45, feeling like a need an extra, oh, 6 hours of sleep...and they're all being nice. I mean, don't get me wrong, the guys at the station are AWESOME. I love 'em to death. I work with an amazing crew and command and I couldn't ask for better.

So that's how they come up to me. With the "So...uhh...I know you just got back, but...uh...could you help me with why So-and-So isn't certified as XYZ?" Etc.

But then, honestly, that feels good. It feels good to not be treated with kid gloves, to still be needed and respected and treated like part of the team. To know that I do have a place. And that I can seamlessly join back with the Station, and do a job.

So reality is back. Didn't quite land with a ton of bricks, but it's there. Teddy had the most upset face I've ever seen when I woke him up at 5:30 this morning. A look of "Oh crap, I though we were done with this nonsense! What are you DOING?!" The plus side is, getting his tiny butt up at, what was to his mind 4:30, may finally help him return to going to sleep at a normal time.

Although this is all temporary. I know that, Laura knows it, the whole Station knows it...heck, Ted has probably figured it out. Because in a few weeks, we'll be welcoming Atkins #2 into the world and breaking all this routine into a million tiny pieces.

And now, it's almost 9:00, which is another way of saying dear God I need to go to bed.

Side effects

Shockingly, I know, but there are a few side effects to having brain surgery. I've plugged her blog a billion times, but I got a good list of things to expect from The Everywhereist after she had her surgery. So I knew what I was getting into.

And, I'm not going to post here about the TMI stuff. Well, I try not to, but occasionally things do show up.

But I am recovering. I mean, things are, for the most part, back to normal for me. There are no meds I'm currently taking (except Tylenol for headaches, and I haven't taken that in two weeks), the fatigue is fading, I'm returning to normal. I mean, if you were to walk up to me on the street, you'd probably have no idea the ordeal we've been through in the past two months.

Unless you said something that confused me. And then you'd find my "tell," my one dead giveaway that something is abnormal.

How much have I told about the second surgery? How in detail did I get? Hmm...okay, see, here's the thing - the second surgery, the endoscope and "booger picker" went in from a slightly different angle. See they, uh - went in through my forehead.

Seriously.

Like, the doc sliced my skin open, drilled a hole, and the equipment stuff all went in roughly an inch and a half above my eye.

Again, we knew this ahead of time. Doc told us this would be the plan, and he was quite nervous about it. Not the surgery part - the after effects. The side effects. He was really worried about the scarring, and offered to put in a referral to plastics to assess the cosmetics. I told him repeatedly not to worry - as long as it wasn't some gross, horrible bulging scar tissue, I didn't really mind. I've already found my woman, not like I need to look good for the bar scene.

But in any case, he did a *great* job. I mean stellar, amazing, wonderful. The line he cut to access the bone, he did exactly in the middle of one of my natural "furrows" or wrinkles. I mean, stellar job. I have to physically point TO the scar to show people where it is. And that was when I was one week post-surgery.

But there are still other side effects, the type you can't see. And it's all related to this scar.

See, to get in, nerves were cut. And so now I've got this amorphous blob of a numb spot above my right eye. It's difficult to pinpoint the EXACT boundaries of it, but basically, as was explained to me, the skin nerves that work the forehead come out of the orbit (eye socket) and then work up. So, from where the cut, it was normal and expected that above it there should be both numbness and, uh, lack of motor control.

But that's okay, because skin nerves heal! They just heal REALLY SLOWLY.

So now I've got this section of head that is numb. Showers feel weird, feeling my own head feels weird, having Teddy whack me with a car feels weird (if he hits the right spot).

But also - I can't move it around. If I go to raise my eyebrows, well - both eyebrows themselves actually raise. But then at the scar, everything takes a nosedive. It's weird. It's hard to describe. Oh heck, let me give you a picture:

Yes, I am aware of how awesome my hair is.

I mean, see? Both furry eyebrows are up, but then, suddenly, the wrinkles and furrows take a dive south. I can't move them. They just sit there. The rest of the forehead skin tries to pull them up, but they decided, no, they ain't gonna play that game.

There is another factor in this story as well - I now have a plate in my head. The forehead, being as thick and strong as it is, is important bone. So, unlike all the other holes they cut in my head, *this* one needed reinforcing. And because I have to be able to go into an MRI (like I did a few hours after surgery), it couldn't be a simple old steel plate. No, it has to be non-ferric, non-magnetic. And so do the screws that hold it in place.

I've got a TITANIUM plate in my head!

With TITANIUM screws!

AND YOU CAN FEEL THE PLATE THROUGH THE SKIN!!!

I've already had one friend totally freaked out by it, but had to feel it anyway, and then REALLY freaked out. She thought it was awesome. Said I ticked off an item on her bucket list, no less.

So anyway. Not too much going on. Perhaps another entry tomorrow, there are a few things to update on, but really, all's well. Overall - doing good.

With a few side effects.

Snow for sale. $5 a gallon.

This snow is driving me nuts. Another blast hit us, not as bad as was predicted (6-10", actually got about 4-5") but still...

So last week's appointment had to get rescheduled. That was because I woke up not feeling well. I came downstairs, Laura looked at me and told me I looked pale as a sheet, and I went into the kitchen, and within about 20 minutes, threw-up. So that appointment was reworked to tomorrow, Wednesday. (That's the one with radiation oncology.)

Plus, yesterday, I was supposed to have my CG appointment. That got cancelled when the whole federal government decided to shutter its doors for the day. I've called and left a message to reschedule. Nothing back from 'em, yet.

By the numbers, at least, I'm supposed to return to work a week from today. I do, for the most part, support that idea. I need to get back into the swing of things. This recovery has been long and slow, but I think it's time to start getting more active. That said, I don't think/feel like I'm ready to just jump behind the helm of a boat with 450hp, mount a 7.62mm machine gun to the front, and go crazy. But it is time to start thinking about the return.

Thing is, it'll be a short return. Laura is due in early April, and the plan always had been to then take a month off (same as I did with Teddy). So, all goes according to plan, I might just be at work for 2-4 weeks and then back out again. But at least this time, when I go out it's for an awesome, wonderful, joyous reason and not because I need further surgery.

I do still talk to the folks at work. Sounds like everything's going along - orders have come in for some, there's been a little "drama" (nothing out of the ordinary, there's always something going on), and with the bitterly cold temperatures, not too much has been going on.

I did go out and shovel the walk yesterday. Really. That's how I'm able to estimate 4-5" of snow. I was able to put on some snow bibs, grab the shovel, and actually clear the steps and sidewalk. It felt great to actually *do* something again.

Oh, and seriously - snow for sale. $5 a gallon, +S&H.